one of the hardest things about navigating burnout is feeling like no one believes you

You know the feeling.

You say “I’ve been really exhausted the past few months, it’s been a tough one”

They say “I hear you, Friday was such a busy day for me”

But what you mean is “I’ve been feeling this way the past month, and the month before, and the month before that. I don’t know when it’s going to end. I feel on the verge of collapse, but don’t know how to navigate that because I have three things I need to finish by Sunday.”

So instead you laugh and say “right?”

The challenge with burnout is many of the symptoms everyone does experience: feeling drained after work, unable to think clearly when your to-do list is too long, panic when you’re up against a tight deadline.

What happens when those emotions detach from a specific event or stressor?

When the feelings of overwhelm from one project over her bleeds together with the stress of making it to work on time.

When you keep thinking “once I finish this last task, I’ll feel better” but then you don’t.

When you keep telling yourself “this week will be better” until it’s not.

That’s when the fact that I’m navigating chronic burnout really sank in. These thoughts of ‘next week will be better’ have gone well beyond the 52 weeks in a year. The stress I thought would go away once I quit my full time job continued to linger well after I left and my body still felt the pre-weekly standup meeting anxiety.

The first step in recognizing burnout is believing yourself.

For the longest time I had a hard time seeing my burnout for what it was. I dismissed my feelings by thinking “everyone feels this, my coworkers are juggling the same tasks as me and they’re handing it just fine.” This covert self-shaming I was engaging in kept me stuck because I wasn’t seeing the burnout I was experiencing as worthy of attention and care. I had to see that the feelings I experienced weren’t going heal until I acknowledged them. I had a choice: I could either keep pushing through ignoring my body calling for rest and run myself into the ground or I could take a moment to actually see myself in my experience. And I chose the latter.

That’s when I realized burnout is actually a symptom

So often I think of burnout as the problem but it’s actually a symptom.

Let me explain.

Burnout happens when you’re working long hours, not setting boundaries around your time and energy or constantly overextending yourself. And what are those all signs of? Something’s out of alignment. When we’re living out of alignment our focus is ‘how are we best in service to others?’ instead of ‘how are we properly caring for ourselves?’ When we shift our mindset to making space for ourselves to voice what we need to be successful, stay home when we need to rest, we help others to see us as well. At the height of my burnout I remember having moments of thinking “why does everyone keep asking me to do things, don’t they know I’m burnt out?” But when I look back, they really didn’t. I was always available, always willing to squeeze in a hangout, always there to answer the phone. So from their perspective, I was doing just fine. I remember being celebrated for my full social calendar and ability to balance it all, while on the inside I was wondering how I would muster the energy to not cancel all my plans the next day. I was constantly going until I crashed and then crashing until I could press go again.

When I visualized what I wanted to feel like, I didn’t have dreams of taking a long vacation or exciting vacation, all I wanted to be at home and to rest. And that was truly seeing myself. Recognizing that my goals for what I wanted my life to look like didn’t have to align with others’ views of success, it could be simple.

Start by recognizing the moments that do feel alignment

And think “more of this please.” Envision more of that in your life. For me I would think “more of this please” on mornings where I woke up having no plans for the whole day. The feeling of timelessness. That no place I have to be, nothing I have to do feeling was all I wanted more of. Now a lot of my days look like waking up and heading down to the garden to water the garden. I hold space for my morning practice before I start work or even look at my phone. Sometimes I don’t have plans for days and get to enjoy the spaciousness of my schedule That doesn’t mean my life has to be only this, but it’s finding the balance that I can recharge and feel ready for my plans instead of mustering the energy for them.

If there’s any piece of encouragement I can offer, it’s that healing from burnout is a journey. Your experience is valid (as much as your inner monologue may try to tell you otherwise).

Know that it’s safe to feel seen in your experience here. If you want to chat about your journey navigating burnout, you can reach out here.

How do you figure out what parts of your life feel out of alignment?

I offer a free guided meditation called Seeing Yourself that guides you through a journey of looking at how you see yourself, how seen you feel in your family, friendships, romantic relationships and at work.