at some point i had to decide not to be overwhelmed anymore
2024 was a year of big transitions. It was my first full year after leaving my full-time job, I had also just moved to a new house with my partner all the while navigating a freelance and full-time entrepreneur income. I was holding a lot and navigating huge shifts in my life and so the overwhelm I was experiencing while finding my footing outside of my cozy 9-5 life was understandable.
But when I rewound a few years, before I even left my job, before I even started Late Breakfast, I remember this same feeling. That time I made the excuse that “it was because it was a busy time at work and I had a lot on my plate.”
Rewind a few more years and the excuse was “well I was in grad school and working full time so I had of due dates I was juggling.”
And a few years before “I had just moved to a new city and was figuring out a whole new way and pace of life.”
Before that “I had just graduated from undergrad and was getting used to working a my first real job”
You get the picture.
After years of feeling just a little overwhelmed, I had gotten comfortable with the constant hum of low grade stress. I could feel the buzz in my body when I woke up feeling my heart racing like I had already had 2 cups of coffee. I could feel this stress in my gut when I had a client reschedule or when event sales were low. I could feel this pull in my heart and throat that feels the inertia of feeling stuck. The waking up with heart palpitations and starting my day in fight-or-flight before I’ve barely opened my eyes.
At some point I had to make the decision to no longer choose overwhelm. I had to choose to see the burnout and overwhelm I was experiencing for what it was instead of making excuses for it. There would always be an excuse, there may be long stretches where there is a lot on my plate. But I didn’t have to feel stuck there.
In my blog, I think the best way to describe it is “in it”, I talk about how our nervous system adapts to the stress cycle which makes interrupting this cycle even harder. I was stuck in the cycle of “once I finish _______________ then I’ll be able to rest” or “after I do ____________ then I won’t have to feel overwhelmed anymore”
By attaching the overwhelm I was experiencing to a singular cause, I was ignoring the real, compounding effect of that happens when overwhelm goes unchecked and isn’t met with rest. When I made the decision to stop choosing overwhelm, I wasn’t healing the overwhelm from last year, I was healing the overwhelm from when I was 17, when I was 12, when I was 21 and all the moments in between when I pushed through exhaustion without taking time to regroup.
I had let this constant hum of stress linger for long enough that it started to become apart of me. On the surface I was calm and collected (which wasn’t untrue because I genuinely feel that way a lot of the time) but underneath I was pushing down the overwhelm that waits until I’m close to my breaking point to fully express.
The feeling of overwhelm had become so embedded, it was like my body was searching for what to be overwhelmed about next. Once I was done being overwhelmed by work, I would move on to being overwhelmed by money and finances, and after that I’d move on to overwhelm about my calendar and the cycle would repeat. Every moment I start to experience overwhelm I come back to this decision I made to no longer choose overwhelm but stillness instead. Making the commitment to break the cycle is a journey, these three habits helped shift my perspective along the way:
Recognizing when you feel overwhelm
This is the most important step. Being able to see when you’re feeling overwhelmed and recognizing when you’re holding too much starts with awareness. When you look at your to-do list what do you feel? When you have an urgent request come in from a coworker or client what do you feel in your heart, stomach and mind. Take note of any sensations of tightness or contraction.
Have actions that can help you calm your nervous system at the ready
Once you recognize the signs, start experimenting with what feels supportive to reduce them. Taking a walk might be helpful for when you’re feeling trapped by your work and needing to move your body, where taking a moment for deep box breathing may feel supportive when your mind is racing. Figure out what works for you so that when you feel the overwhelm you have the tools in your back pocket to diffuse it.
Have patience
You didn’t get overwhelmed overnight, and it may not go away overnight either. Some overwhelm really is solved by finishing a project or check things off your list. Other time an ongoing sense of overwhelm my take more intentional and consistent practice to release the underlying feelings that overwhelm carries.
Making this decision to not feel overwhelmed anymore isn’t a one time choice, it’s a commitment to:
Taking time to ground when you start to feel overwhelm
Learning to listen to your body’s cues when you may be saying yes to something that can cause you to overextend yourself and your energy.
Learning from the overwhelm you experience to inform how you respond in the future