The energy of staying committed vs. powering through
A few weeks ago I came down with a cold. If you live in Oregon you may remember when it went from 80 degrees one week to 50 and hailing on Summer Solstice.
This was the week I was also getting ready to go on a meditation retreat so I was on a mission to put up the ‘gone fishing’ sign on Late Breakfast for the week. Feeling my body slowly decline into a cold was not on the to-do list. I was caught between the need for rest and the need to clear my mind so I could drop into the retreat. Which brought up the question of “why does my mind need to be completely clear in order for me to relax? And is that expectation even realistic?”
There were moments where I felt committed to completing the things on my list and others where I could feel myself pushing myself way harder than I had the energy for. It was taking every ounce of energy I had to keep typing despite my throbbing headache. I kept postponing laying down to finish up two last emails. And it didn’t feel good.
This was a pattern I had been stuck in for years. The feeling that work takes priority over my wellbeing even though I know that isn’t true (or the way I want to live). But this pattern runs deep. I’ve learned time and time again how I’m “rewarded” for pushing through to uphold my agreements. My body learned that that was what I “should” do and that people are “impressed” by my perseverance. But what happens when the person I’m trying to impress is me? And that through that perseverance I was actually hindering myself? If I constantly had my foot on the gas in a car, it runs out of gas faster; but if I allow myself to coast and pause in between moments of hitting the gas, you’ll be able to go much farther.
When we keep our foot on the gas in our lives we lose momentum faster too. We burn out. We get sick. We end up just plain exhausted. And unlike a car, we can’t just fill back up with energy in a matter of minutes, we need time to rebuild our energy which can take days, weeks, months or even years.
A shift happened when I recognized that in running my business I’m not trying to impress anyone –– but I do want to stay committed. Committed to my clients, to my community and to myself to continue to build a business that I can sustain. Commitment doesn’t include self-sacrifice. Commitment is about recognizing my limits and communicating that.
So what’s the difference between powering through and staying committed? It’s a fine line but I think I found it.
Powering through feels…
Rushed
Overwhelmed
Like I’m forcing myself to do something even when my body is saying no
Telling myself “I’ll rest once everything is done”
Skipping meals to “save time”
Staying committed feels like…
Working steadily not racing
Taking necessary breaks
Communicating when something is taking longer and I need more time
Setting realistic goals
Giving myself permission to take things off my to-do list
Prioritizing what’s necessary
Even when I’m feeling 100% recognizing this difference is necessary in keeping my business feeling sustainable. What it came down to was getting clear on what a ‘yes’ and a ‘no’ felt like in my body. My to-do isn’t bond, it’s a way to organize. What once felt like a ‘yes’ may not be a priority anymore –– and that’s okay. I used to be in a constant state of powering through, because I didn’t know how to tell when what was once a ‘yes’ may have shifted with my priorities. Not listening to that shift was one of the main contributors to my burnout. But until I saw this feeling for what it was, that I realized that’s not how I want to feel. I invite you to identify what the feeling of powering through how to identify that feeling because it’s different for everyone but energetically you can feel it once you start tuning into finding the difference you’ll know.